Anonymous

Why don't you see that 'fiery heat from hell' is a totally different feeling from 'calmly stroked'?

Anonymous

Excellent except for the punctuation. The scintillating, golden coin showered its fiery heat from hell onto me; it was as if it was mocking me when it calmly stroked my sunburned body.

Anonymous

To me, this makes no sense at all. How does an inanimate object -- a coin -- stroke one's body? How can it be calm at the same time it is showering fiery heat from hell? You have a run-on sentence.

Anonymous

Too flowery

Anonymous

You should focus more on the story you are trying to tell, and less on the vocabulary. It sounds as though you are writing with a thesaurus in front of you, and picking words you find appealing, as opposed to words that will explain the plot.

Anonymous

Too wordy to me