Anonymous

i agree. one should take repsonsiblity for what happens don't mean they are any less a victum and it odn't mean they deserved what happened to them but you can't change it you can only change yourself and how you deal with treatment. by implementing boundries and not allowing others to treat you in ways you don't want to be treated. when your young you can't do much about it but learn and you can only learn and not allow it to happen again and again by taking responsiblity for itt. they say this to people in abused relationships. if you know you don't shut the light off and your sposue loses it. doing that is asking for them to lose it. (maybe not directly you could of just forgot) but you still stayed in that sistaution with out getting help. younger kids can go to teachers and other family members and keep doing it. those people also have to still take responsiblity for what has happened to them. again it doesn't lessenw hat happened to you. it helps you not let it happen again!

Anonymous

I think it absolves that other person of seeing your pain and doing the hard work of actually helping you. They don't want to be your brother. That way, they can continue to live "the good life" and not deal with any ugliness themselves. "Walk a mile in my shoes"? Huh uh. They're AWOL from the hard stuff in life.

Anonymous

I've never heard that.

Anonymous

Victims will often claim that they didn't do anything to deserve the abuse. And in some ways that's true. But I've noticed that people tend to see weakness in others as a signal to attack. An unconfident person (who hangs their head and acts fearful anytime someone approaches them or speaks to them) will anger a bully and cause them to feel contempt towards that weak and cowardly person. The little devil on the bully's shoulder whispers to them that this guy is an easy mark, a whimp, disgusting and deserving of whatever he gets, which the bully is glad to dish out to him, just to satisfy his own pride and feeling of power. I lived with an abusive big brother for 16 years before he got interested in, and distracted by, other things (like girls). He used to beat me up at lest once a week. I lived in fear of him, and spent my childhood trying to be invisible and avoid contact with him. He told me decades later that he beat me up because he thought it would "make me strong". All it did was convince me that I was a worthless punchbag and anyone who wanted to had the right to demand whatever they wanted of me, and if I refused to do it, they had the right to beat me up and abuse me until I gave it to them or did whatever they wanted. of course, that only lasted until they invented something else they wanted me to do for them. I observed in my 50's that my mom was the same kind of bully, being the eldest of three children, and so she thought her oldest child (my abusive brother) had the right to beat up on his little sisters, and told me often in my childhood "well, you must have done something to deserve it." The only thing I can think of that would make me "responsible" for what happened to me is that somehow I was projecting fear and intimidation to others, encouraging them to view me as an easy victim. The way to change that is to learn to be confident, but that only happens when others are willing to standup for you and insist that you have rights too. If I had known that the police would stop my brother from assaulting and battering me, I might have learned confidence. But my parents convinced me that no one would help me even if I reported the abuse to any authority (like a teacher or the principal the police, or my parents) and so I just had to "live" with it or wait until I graduated high school and could flee to another town and try to be invisible there, too.

Anonymous

They are at a loss of words and can not help. As an excuse not to support you,they blame you.

Anonymous

Because people do not understand what "brainwashing" is. Ignorance, really